Tuesday: If My Life Was A... Medley of Rock Ballads!

If someone made a medley of slightly-modified classic rock songs into a ballad about my life, the lyrics would go something like this:

Shot in the toosh, and you're to blame.  Honey, you give meds a bad name.

But you're a good girl, you love your Mama, love Jesus, and the Dairy Queen, too.
And I'm a bad boy, 'cause I ate before surgery.  I'm a bad boy, for puking on you.

-- Air guitar playing. --

There you stood in the doorway, I heard a pager tone.
I was thinkin' to myself that I just wanted to poo-oop alone.
Then you picked up a clipboard, and they wheeled me away.
There were voices in the corridor, I thought I heard one say, eh --
'Welcome to the same-day GI scope wing.
Drink this contrast dye. 
Tastes like fake Mai-Tai.'

-- Air guitar and drums playing. --

Now is it over?  Yeah, it's over.  'Cause you're driving me insane.

I feel crazy, crazy, crazy in here, Baby.
I turned the light on, but you're gone. 
Yeah this drives me --
Crazy, crazy, crazy... not just maybe.
What can I do?  I just wanna go code blue.

-- More air guitar. --

(Modified from great tunes by Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Tom Petty, and The Eagles!)