Admitedly, the last post on attachment was extra-gooey -- a pendulum's ride through attachment's peaks and troughs. Tonight's commentary is a little less... well, nauseating (and less brain-researchy); still of the "1/3 commentary" variety, but with a few references for further reading if you so choose. As always, a random introduction will preface....
An "occasional practitioner" means different things, depending upon which of my various "professions" is in discussion. Student = daily. Nursing = weekly during semesters. Human Development = about weekly when I have time to do lit reviews. Therapy = very occasionally... I generally spare friends, family, or members of the public by refraining from "therapizing" anyone but myself.
Tonight, indeed I feel compelled to "therapize" myself. Here's where attachment comes in -- remember those person-specific cascades of neurotransmitters? (And thank you, Dr. Daniel Siegel, for such marvelous research!) Well, as sophisticated as they are biologically, they're really a pill when you're intentionally trying to avoid a person-specific "file" unresolved in your mind's attachment archives. Years into study on the subject, I'm still not sure how you actually close unresolved attachment files (or if you ever permanently close them). I do know that finding a contained window of space and time to intentionally and consciously soak in measurable pieces of the emotions/thoughts associated with your attachment center's "cold case files" is necessary for your sanity.
I personally choose to "therapize" myself with music. I find a song or playlist that is somehow reminiscent of the person or situation I need to remember for a bit... I play it, I make careful mental or journal notes on how I respond (like an attachment form of a treadmill-test-check-up thing), and then I process what steps, if any, are possibilities to take towards either: 1) taking better care of myself around that issue so that I continue to cope well without the attachment; 2) or reaching out to the attachment figure if they are still available and reconnection is appropriate (and beneficial to the present). Then, I pray about the whole ball of wax and commit to myself that I will not take any steps, in any direction, without first convening the counsel (obtaining trustworthy feedback) and living in my own skin with the idea for a while.
[The just-described "intervention" wasn't my own brilliant brainchild, by the way. It is comprised of pieces of a process developed by clinician/theorist, Leslie Greenberg, called Emotion-Focused Therapy.]
Tonight, the subject of my musical reconnection is one around which all of the above options are neither impossible, nor particularly reasonable. And, while I will not unravel this contradiction before the song ends, I have determined that I am okay with the wait for clarity. 3 minutes, 54 seconds is long enough to re-visit, but short enough to say, "Maybe things will be clearer later... but, I'm just fine 'til then," and mean it.
Resources mentioned in this post, and previous ones, are below. Read, learn, enjoy!
On brain research regarding brain development, attachment, emotion, and memory:
The Developing Mind, by Daniel Siegel, M.D.
On Emotion-Focused Therapy:
Emotion-Focused Therapy: Coaching Clients to Work Through Their Feelings, by Leslie Greenberg
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