To "Feel" A Memory (Attachment)

I embarked on the recent Memorial Day weekend with the goal of visiting the graves of my grandfather and all four great grandparents.  I had not been to visit my grandfather's grave since his death two years ago, although many times since the funeral I had driven to the cemetary in hopes that my resolve at composure would sustain at least 30 seconds of standing by the marker.  Defeated by my own avoidance of remembering the burial, I had been unable to exit the car on previous visits.  And while my drive last weekend brought more of the same (composure predictably evaporating at a block before my destination), I guess you could say that, by now, I have begun to miss him more than caring if I cry in public... I just wanted to see his name and trace the letters.

This experience brought keenly to my mind the concept of attachment theory (a theory that has absorbed nearly 8 years of both formal and independent study) -- this notion that people who have loved us well are imprinted within our minds, seared into our souls, and even patterned in our physiology in the way our brains respond to cues of both their closeness and distance (or absence, in the case of my grandfather).  This same concept is one that now informs a pioneering branch of Neurology to examine brain imaging scans concurrent with vital measurements while patients respond to cues of significant others.  Their findings are remarkable -- the mental constructs of our connection to attachment figures (our parents, spouses, children) somehow seems to evoke a "reflex" of sorts throughout our physiology that is every bit as salient and instantaneous as a rapid-acting pharmaceutical.  Even more amazing to consider -- those responses remain within our make-up, a cascade of person-specific neurotransmitters responding to memory, long after our treasured other is absent.

As hours fade and I'm wrapping up this post (accutely aware of its incompleteness), I extend a sincere invitation for you to join me on a journey chronicled as roughly 1/3 commentary, 1/3 literature review, and 1/3 shared experience in attachment theory.  Until then, take care.